Four!
by darkalbino
Summary: Why the hell would we wanna play golf anyway? Oh...that's why. Oneshot, SasuNaru, lemon.


**Title: Four!**

**Rating: M, because that's just how I like things**

**Author: darkalbino (oh you KNOW it's gonna be good)**

**right, so I was watching boomerang (shut up, I LOVE old cartoons and I LOVE 80's music, if you've got a problem with it...then what can I say? go shove a straw up your nose) and there was this little clip about this adorable animated bear named Bernard who was playing golf, and me with my seriously corrupted self thought "what story could I make up where sasuke and naruto have hot sex on a golf course?" and BAM! this is what came out! I mean, I really have no idea where the hell this stuff comes from...Bernard wasn't doing anything sexual...not that I'd get inspired by watching a cute bear do things with sexual innuendos O.o**

**Summary: Why the hell would we wanna play golf anyway? Oh...that's why. Oneshot, SasuNaru, lemon.**

**Warnings: meh, usual stuff...would golf dissing be a warning?**

**Disclaimer: Holy Fucking Shit On A Fucking Strawberry Sandwich!! Masashi Kishimoto came over to my house and he was like, "Illi, from this moment on, you OWN Naruto, I give you full rights to take the characters and do what you will with them." and I was all, "Fucking **_**Shit**_**!! You're kidding me! I'm gonna get started right away on that Hentai TV channel!" then he said, **

**"April fools!"**

**" O.o ...what?"**

**"April fools!"**

**"...But it's March."**

**"APRIL FOOLS DAMMIT!!"**

**...I couldn't really argue...**

**XXXFour!XXX**

Silence.

Complete and utter _silence_.

Concentration...

Concentration is definitely needed...

Just lift it high behind you, slowly, eye on the ball, trail to the hole, the _exact_ trail it has to take, bring in a breathe aaannnd...

"Fucking shit Sasuke! Just _swing_ the damn thing!"

Drop the club, yell a curse, and whirl around to glare at your idiotic moron of a boyfriend, "You fucking _idiot_!"

Naruto made a face and stuck a pinky in his ear, "Well you were just _standing_ there, how long does it take to hit a little ball?"

Sasuke sighed and bent over to pick up his club, "Naruto, you need concentration, you _dumbass_, you need to _focus._ If I just go and hit the damn ball it wouldn't really be playing golf now would it?"

"Says who?"

"Says the scoreboard, I've got sixteen points, and how many do you have?"

"...Sixty-seven?"

Sasuke smirked, "Seventy-three."

"Well what the fuck kind of game is it when you have to get the least amount points to win? That's just stupid."

"The kind of game that I guess morons like you are incapable of playing."

The blonde creased his brows and threw his arms up in the air, "I don't even _want_ to play! This is so _boring_! Why can't we go home and play something more energetic? Like 'Twister'!"

"...We can always go home and play 'twister', but right now we're playing golf, so be a good little idiot and shut the fuck up while I make my swing or we'll play another round when this one's done."

Naruto frowned and grabbed his lover's arm, "But Sasukeeee! This isn't a game for us! We're twenty one! This is a game for those retired old fart bags that don't have anything left to live for!"

The raven grunted and yanked his arm out of the other's grasp, "I swear to God if you don't shut your fucking mouth up within the next minute," he lifted his club and waved it around in the air in a threatening manner, "I am going to shove this club right up your ass and leave it there."

Naruto snorted and lifted a hand, "Can't say that won't be more fun than this."

Sasuke groaned.

"I mean why the hell do you have to say 'four' anyway? What the fuck does four have to do with golf?...I hate this, can we go play mini golf instead? The windmills are fun to watch, and remember that time we went into the big castle and had sex in there? Mini golf is way better!"

The Uchiha rubbed a hand down his face to his mouth, giving the blonde a hard look, "As...tempting as that sounds, no. We're not going to go play some Mickey Mouse shit mini golf, we're staying here and playing _real_ golf."

"But--"

"Look! Shut up right now or tonight I'll get kinky, I'll make you wear the boots and the skirt and I will _fuck_ you so hard, I fucking _promise_ you, you will _not_ be able to _walk_ for at least two days!"

Naruto lifted a finger and opened his mouth, but then wisely snapped it shut and let his finger go limp at the threat.

Sasuke smiled and looked back at the ball. He lifted the club slowly and separated his legs, narrowing his eyes at the small white sphere, he brought it down once...twice...aaaannnnd-

"Oh! Sasuke you know what!"

Sasuke stumbled and snapped his head at the blonde, "_Naruto_!"

But the other man didn't seem to catch the venom in his voice, "Last night I had this really _weird_ dream! I was lying in our bed naked right? But you weren't there, then all of the sudden, the door opened, and guess who strides in?"

"I don't ca-"

"Rock Lee! And he's naked too! And he came up to me and you know what he said?"

Sasuke's eyes widened, "I don't want to kno-"

"He leaned down and said, 'Naruto...I want to de-flower your lotus blossom(1).'"

"What?!"

"Jesus Christ I KNOW! Then I woke up all sweaty, God Sasuke, it was _horrible_!"

"You fucking MORON! You interrupted me so you could tell me that crap and give me nightmares?!"

Naruto crossed his arms, "Well if you would stop taking so goddamn long then I wouldn't let my mind wander to other things!"

"UGH! Look, if you SHUT. THE. HELL. UP. then I promise we will leave in half an hour, just please dammit, let me concentrate on this hole!"

The other huffed and leaned on his own club, "Fine, I'll be quiet, but you gotta hurry up."

Sasuke grunted and positioned himself _again _in front of the ball, lifted the club and threw a quick glance at Naruto to make sure the guy wasn't doing something retarded that would make him lose focus again. When Naruto nodded and gestured his hand to the ball, Sasuke breathed in, breathed out, and hit it with the club, watching as it flew across the field and landed right into the hole.

Naruto smiled, "Wow, another hole in one."

The raven grabbed his arm and yanked him close to his face, "And one that I could've gotten _much_ sooner had a certain person chosen NOT to be a fucking _chatterbox_ and decide to _traumatize_ me with their unholy _nightmares_ about youthful _idiots!_" he gritted out.

Naruto grinned and lurched forward to catch the other's bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on the sensitive skin and running a smooth tongue over it, sending blood to a certain Uchiha's crotch. He released the lip and kissed a pale and slightly sweaty nose, "You're very sexy when you're upset."

Sasuke groaned and wrapped his arm around the younger man's waist, crushing their bodies together as well as their mouths. Naruto let his eyes slip shut and threaded his fingers through ebony hair, moaning as his lover lowered his hand to grip a handful of his firm ass hidden beneath a thin layer of white cloth. The blonde shoved his tongue in the other's mouth, running it behind the wall of his straight teeth and ending by sliding down the inside of his cheek. He jumped when he met contact with another wet muscle that decided to join the game, wrapping around his own and sucking with growing need.

Naruto mewled softly and opened his eyes, meeting coal ones that were beginning to flare with desire. He smiled into the kiss and pressed a palm against the other's chest, pushing it lightly in a silent signal to stop. Understanding the quiet command, Sasuke parted their mouths with a distinct 'pop', both panting from lack of air and other...growing problems.

The raven snorted and moved his hand to the other man's waist, lips still centimeters apart, "Go get my ball." he breathed out huskily.

Naruto smirked and lowered his eyes to half-mast, bringing his fingers down to Sasuke's chest and tapping them, "Why don't you go get it? I know how much you like shoving your fingers into holes Sasuke."

Sasuke grinned, "Haha, very funny moron." he let go of the man and walked with him to the hole, "Can't say you're wrong though." he crouched down and looked up at the blonde, making sure he watched, before opening his mouth and placing two fingers inside. He took in the wide, blue eyes for a moment, then watched them grow wider as he began lazily circling his tongue around the digits.

Naruto moaned lightly at the sight before composing himself and sputtering, "Wh-what the hell Sasuke?! Just get your damn ball!"

Sasuke paused and took the fingers out, smirking at how flushed he'd made the other. He stuck them in the hole, slower than necessary, and gradually pulled the ball out, "Mmmm."

Naruto blushed hard and looked away, only _Sasuke _could make taking a fucking _golf_ ball out of a hole erotic.

The raven stood up and smiled at the blonde, he knew that Naruto knew what was coming. He knew right after the blonde had kissed him, only obstacle now was getting there, and that was about as hard as forcing a lion to eat a plate of fresh meat, "So...how many points is that now? Eh, Naruto?"

"I-I don't know! You're in charge of that!"

"Hmmm..." Sasuke put on a light frown and suddenly flipped his club over, lowering the straight side into the hole he had just pulled the ball out of.

Naruto's jaw dropped, '_Son of a __**bitch**_

The Uchiha smirked and slowly probed the hole with the club, in...out...down...up, oh so slowly, "But I just can't seem to remember..._fuck_."

Naruto cringed at the word, "Just-just pick a damn number!"

"Hmm...how about _69?" _(2)

And that. was. it.

Naruto fisted the raven's shirt and smashed their mouths together in a lip bruising kiss. Sasuke of course, wasted no time responding as his hands worked themselves under the blonde's shirt and pushed the other to the ground.

The brief fact that the only thing really covering them from the eyes of a viewing public was a small hill on the course crossed Naruto's mind, but it was rightly pushed behind the sensation of feeling his pants, along with his boxers, slide down his legs.

Naruto groaned and threw sense to the wind, sitting up and roughly tugging off the raven's top, shoving his hand in his pants.

Sasuke gasped and yanked the hand out, flipping the blonde over harshly and twining his fingers in golden locks, pressing the other into the ground and leaning down to his ear, "I don't _think_ so idiot." he stated playfully with a cruel smirk, grinding his still clothed erection into the tanner one's backside to emphasize his point.

Naruto whined and pushed back against his lover's cock, rolling his hips and groaning in dissapprovement at the feel of the other's pants sliding along the crack of his ass, "Nhn, Sasuke...take it _off_!"

Sasuke gritted his teeth and pushed the head of blonde harder against the ground, his grinding taking on a violent nature, "Don't tell me what to do moron, I'll take them off when I please."

"Ah..." the blonde moaned and rubbed his face along the green scratchy material of the ground, he made an attempt to reach for his cock, give himself some relief, but Sasuke caught his hand and growled, "Can't wait for it, can you?

"Sasu..." the blonde pleaded quietly.

"Fuck, I love it when you beg for me." he slipped off his pants and raised the tan ass into the air, leaving the top half of Naruto's body on the ground.

"Nahn, Sasuke please..."

"I also love those sexy little sounds you make." he ran a finger up the crack, making the other shudder, then grabbed a globe of flesh in each hand and parted it to see what was his, and only his, "Let's see how many different sounds I can coax out of you today." were his words before sticking out his tongue and quickly sliding it up the crease.

"Ah God Sasuke!"

Sasuke smiled and flicked the wet muscle over the blonde's entrance, running it around the hole and dipping the tip in before hastily bringing it back.

"Fuck! Please put it in!"

"Put what in love?"

The blonde's voice cracked, "Sasuke..."

"This?" he slowly inserted his tongue into the tight hole before yanking it back out, making the other yell out a cry.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke smirked, "Or perhaps this?" he gracelessly coated his fingers with saliva and shoved the middle one up the man's ass, hitting his prostate on the spot.

"Oh _fuck_!"

"Of course, there is this last thing." he sat up on his knees and pressed the tip of his erection to the blonde's already stuffed hole, still abusing that spot with his finger and adding another, scissoring them.

"AH! Sasuke stop!"

"You want me to stop?"

"No!" Naruto was panting hard, trying to bury his face in the ground to muffle out his cries, "Stop...stop _teasing_!"

"Ah, I see, then please, tell me which one you prefer."

"Fucking! I don't _care_!"

"Hn, do I have to choose for you?"

"God, Sasuke please! Something, _anything_ please!"

Sasuke could tell the blonde was desperate, by the way he was eagerly pressing back and fucking himself on the fingers, so he decided enough with the foreplay.

He grabbed the other's hips and pushed the tip of his erection in, slowly moving forward until he was to the hilt and draped over the blonde.

Naruto yelled his pleasure into his arm and pressed back against the raven's hips, moaning when the member inside him brushed against his sweet spot, "Ah shit...Sasuke fuck me _now_."

The Uchiha groaned and came out all the way to the tip before ramming back in and pushing another cry out of the blonde, "I thought I told you not to tell me what to do." He reached around and under to fondle the other's balls, squeezing them harshly before wrapping the hand around the cock waiting for release.

He thrusted in and out in time with his pumps, groaning as his lover moved with him. The timing was equal and set at first, a rhythm, but as the pleasure, need and desire increased, it fell apart.

"Fuck! Sasuke don't stop! Oh God!"

Movements became frantic and messy, hips moving in a wanton and uncontrolled manner. Sasuke leaned over and pressed flush against the blonde, sheathing himself entirely inside and giving shallow, hard thrusts that forced the blonde's hips to lurch forward, "Shit...God you're so fucking _good_ Naruto."

"Ah...hah..._fuck_!" Naruto screamed before spilling himself into the raven's hand and onto the green ground.

Sasuke followed right after and bit into the tan shoulder to muffle his yell.

They collapsed on the ground, spent and panting harshly.

After a few moments, Sasuke pulled out and flipped the blonde over, staring into azure orbs. They both smiled at one another...that is before they heard laughing.

And it wasn't from them.

Both men looked up on the hill to find two other men standing on it, one with white, long hair and red marks on his face, the other with silver hair that stuck up in a defiance of gravity. And the one with silver hair, happened to be a holding a phone...a _camera_ phone. He locked gazes with ebony eyes and yelled one word, "YOUTUBE!" and with that both men turned and ran away like bats outta hell.

Sasuke snorted and Naruto frowned, "Fuck, not again."

**-Owari-**

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**lmao, youtube, they've already got alot of dirty stuff up there, one more won't hurt. and I just realized my author's note makes sense, cuz it's 12:26 AM which means its April 1st! but it was march when I wrote the author's note but whatever.**

**(1)- THAT LINE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME IT BELONGS TO A CRAZY CRAZY FRIEND OF MINE NAMED KEISHLA A.K.A SLUSHY! IT WAS SO FUNNY I HAD TO PUT IT UP! XD**

**(2)- 69, you know, the 69 position...you have to be pervert to get it (sweatdrop)**

**oh and just in case anyone's wondering, "Boomerang" is this channel that shows cartoons from a long time ago. Like the Flinstones, the Smurfs, 2 Stupid Dogs, The Jetsons, stuff like that.**

**and uh, yeah, that's pretty much it, review please!**


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